Mom Says it Best... 5 Easy Steps to Reaching Out to Youth with Special Needs and their Families

I recently had the pleasure of taking part in a Pastoral In-Service for Youth Ministers and PAREs in the New Albany deanery.  The focus of this in-service was reaching out to youth with special needs and their families.

In the first part of the in-service I talked about autism, some of the gifts and challenges a youth minister or PARE might encounter, as well as some tips to help make it easier for these individuals to participate.  Lots of info, and truly, I hope it helped!

But then in the second half of the in-service, Anne stood up and began to share about her family's experience in the Church with her 25 year old son, who has Down Syndrome.  And she blew it all away.  It wasn't that we weren't saying essentially the same things... it was just that marvelous case of experience managing to cut through all the extra words and just expressing what is real.  And these are the five things she recommended to any parish to support these individuals and their families.

 

1. Invitation:
Many families are rather isolated, some have had bad experiences, others may not even imagine that active parish life is possible.  This is why the personal invitation is so so crucial- and it may take several invitations before they are ready!
Also, model welcoming and belonging!  She spoke of an experience when her son was an infant, at Christmas Mass when her pastor came, picked up her son and gave his homily with him happily sitting on his lap.    

2. Communication:
Open two way communication with parents or caregivers will ensure continuity and support for one another!

3. Collaboration:
Simply put, being open to possibilities and trying different things.  Even if the answer is "You know, I'm not sure.  Lets put our heads together and see what we can figure out to make this work."

4. Education:
Learn about different disabilities.  This will remove some of the mystery, and give tools to better support to those individuals.  

5. Flexibility:
Try and try again, and just know that it's OK if it's just a bad day, and that lesson is not going to get done.  And, she mentioned, that this is most definitely a two way street :-)      

Sharing Your Story

I was preparing to give a talk as part of a panel on multicultural ministry, which included special needs.  I had an idea, and months to prepare it, and over those months went through any number of approaches, statistics, photos, teaching methods etc...

I think it was about two weeks prior when it suddenly hit me how to start this talk, and from that moment on it was a much smoother process- though it had most definitely taken a different turn. Finally I found myself standing up to present and this is how it began: 

"I'd like to introduce you to a very special person, my sister Mary..."  the room was pretty much silent as I told, well, part of our story- to tell the whole thing would take much longer than 17 minutes!

I told my family's story to illustrate what is possible when a parish embraces as one of their own each member of their community: love, mutual help, sacraments- all from a parish without an inclusion ministry or a program for adaptive faith formation.  The reaction is what I did not expect- people were so happy to hear about Mary, they related to my family's story and took in the rest of the talk (which was much more informational) in a completely different way.  So, totally unscientific and off the cuff, I wanted to share some of the good reasons to share your own story.

Empathy: Isolation is probably one of the easiest pitfalls for a family who has a member with special needs.  Yet, we all have a need not only to be heard, but to be validated and to know that we are not alone- and dare I say, not crazy, in our experiences and feelings.

Hope: It is so easy for families to get mired down in daily tasks and struggles- and particularly when your family includes a member with special needs, often life can seem chaotic, but really does have a rhythm all its own. Families and individuals do not always know, or sometimes need to be reminded of all that is possible- participation in liturgical ministries, faith formation and sacraments, parish projects or events, just to name a few.  To know that there is a place they belong and that the gift of the sacraments is available to their family member can be a beacon of hope, and a life preserver.

Because bulletin announcements don't work- nor do surveys in the pew...a personal story or invitation is the BEST way, hands down, to engage others, and get people to come to any event, program, etc... this can be an opportunity to reach out to other families you might already know from your neighborhood, or school or work or...???

You and your experiences have something to teach!  Talk about hard won wisdom... and you never know where someone is on their journey of faith, and struggles they may have, you never know when someone may need to hear what only you can say- or show.

Building a community: Each individual who speaks up and makes themselves known helps a parish get to know themselves a little better.  By sharing your story, you can be part of that.  As a result, the parish is better able to plan with you, instead of guessing, or worse, assuming there is no need, and so better meet any needs there may be.