"Where is the star?" Following the Model of the Magi

The Holy Father's homily today was very poignant.  In it, he presents the Magi as models for all of us who seek The Light, and the temptations we face in our journey- that of our own perceptions and expectations, which can deceive us, and the temptation to miss, or reject the humility with which God comes to us.  In the tiny, helpless baby they recognized the One they were seeking, a recognition symbolized by the gifts they brought.

Adoration of the Magi

Pope Francis said something which got the juices running: 
"What is the mystery in which God is hidden? Where can I find him? All around us we see wars, the exploitation of children, torture, trafficking in arms, trafficking in persons… In all these realities, in these, the least of our brothers and sisters who are enduring these difficult situations, there is Jesus (cf. Mt 25:40,45). The crib points us to a different path from the one cherished by the thinking of this world: it is the path of God’s self-abasement, that humility of God’s love by which he abases himself, he completely lowers himself, his glory concealed in the manger of Bethlehem, on the cross upon Calvary, in each of our suffering brothers and sisters."

He is talking about a real stumbling block- something unexpected which challenges the way we view the world, and in a particular way, those around us.  Humility, littleness, real suffering and difficulties, and God in the midst of it all.  That really is a curiosity, a mystery worth thinking about for awhile... God- all knowing, all powerful, eternal- choosing to come as one of us, a newborn infant who needed all the care and protection of his parents, who grew up as we do, learning, working, loving, tempted, suffering and dying. 

Ecce Homo (Behold the Man)

This mystery is very much among us, and the same stumbling blocks we trip on, grasping for understanding- violence and exploitation of all kinds, war, homelessness, even illness and disability.  The people who live in these situations are different expressions of the same path that was foretold and brought into being in Bethlehem and ultimately on Calvary- that of humility.  It was in humility that God revealed Himself, and in which he still does.  

So what's the point of all this?  Well, really a question: what do you see when you look around you?  What do you see and feel when you see a homeless person slouched against a building or at an intersection or when you look into the face of a refugee, or a person with an intellectual or developmental disability?  I can tell you for myself, it is difficult to see faces, eyes, personality- it is hard to not be uncomfortable, to know what to say, and certainly to have much expectation. Yet there is something I have learned: these are people who know, among many other things, something about humility.  Each time we are with our special friends, we learn about joy, gratitude and patience, about providence and perseverance, and about taking care of each other- and a million other things we are always amazed by and which I would say, are the fruit of humility.

Did you read the story about this man, who was given $100 and then followed to see what he would do with it?  Well, as expected, he went to a liquor store.  Then, to the great surprise of his follower, the man came out with a large bag of food, which he proceeded to share with others. 
The point?  If we allow preconceived ideas, our own perceptions of how something should be, to lead us, we can be deceived, we can miss reality.  Without humility we miss the light, which leads us to The Light, the Truth, and which is revealed to us in the little ones, the suffering ones, in those from whom we might least expect it.  

This doesn't make much sense compared with the things we are taught to value.  This is the shift in perspective the Magi had to make, and which is also our constant challenge, as Pope Francis reminds us:   
"The wise men entered into the mystery. They passed from human calculations to the mystery: this was their conversion. And our own? Let us ask the Lord to let us undergo that same journey of conversion experienced by the wise men. Let us ask him to protect us and to set us free from the temptations which hide the star. To let us always feel the troubling question: “Where is the star?”, whenever – amid the deceptions of this world – we lose sight of it." [my emphasis]

Reflections on An Advent Dialogue with the Sick

This weekend I had the joy of beginning Joseph Ratzinger/Pope Emeritus XVI's short book The Blessing of Christmas.  The first part of this book is An Advent Dialogue with the Sick.  There is such a great wisdom and love in his words that just lifted my heart, so I wanted to share some of it with you.

First, though Benedict XVI is speaking to those who are sick, I found myself thinking of all the ways we can be isolated during this time- those who, like my husband and myself, are far from their families, those who are new to the area and have not built up a community of friends, who are in group homes or care facilities, those who work long or odd hours or solitary work, or who struggle with seasonal depression to name a few.  All of these things can prevent people from being able to share in the joy others feel at this time of the year.  In fact, in one way or another, I would imagine this is something we can all relate to, and he presents Advent as "a medicine for the soul that makes it easier to bear the enforced inaction and the pain of your illness. Advent can help us discover the unobtrusive grace that can lie in the very fact of being sick." [or isolated]

The word "Advent" (adventus in Latin) can actually be translated as "presence" or "arrival" (cf Ratzinger).  Typically that is not the first thing we think of: we think first of the waiting, or anticipation of the arrival.  This lends to a different focus- the word is intended to show in a very real way God's presence and closeness, his love- and the blessing he brings in his presence.  Benedict tells us, "in general terms, when they used this word, they intended to say God is here. He has not withdrawn from the world. He has not left us alone. Although we cannot see him and take hold of him as we do with objects in this world, nevertheless he is here, and he comes to us in many ways."

 

Roger van der Weyden The Visitation



When we are sick, isolated or lonely, we are taken out of the rush and routine of typical daily life, where there is little time- and frankly often little encouragement to reflect and make conscious and intentional choices in our external activity and inner life.  Benedict tells us "When I am sick I am obliged to be still.  I am obliged to wait.  I am obliged to reflect on myself; I am obliged to bear being alone.  I am obliged to bear pain, and I am obliged to accept the burden of my own self. All this is hard."  Yet, this is where the time of Advent can be especially full of blessing and meaning, especially for those who are sick, or who are feeling lonely or isolated for any reason.  Essentially what we are talking about is a visit- a visit from one who knows us and loves us more deeply than we can imagine, and who desires to come to us personally. 

 

In this sense, this time, difficult as it really is, can be seen as an opportunity, and Benedict challenges us to see it this way: "The Lord has interrupted my activity for a time in order to let me be still."  He proposes that it is in the stillness that God is waiting for us, and not only that but USING it.  He says, "we rebel against it, this is not only because it is painful or because it is hard to be still and alone: we rebel against it because there are so many important things we ought to be doing and because illness seems meaningless. But it is not in the least meaningless! In the structure of human life as a whole, it is profoundly meaningful. It can be a moment in our life that belongs to God, a time when we are open to him and thus learn to rediscover our own selves."  [my emphasis]

Myself, I begin to imagine the possibilities for someone who has a long-term illness, or who perhaps has more solitary work, or who has yet to build a community.  I have been inspired by the examples of the saints, and the stories of those who strive still, such as that of Kara Tippets (check out her blog at http://mundanefaithfulness.com/).  Benedict poses this question... "If I learn to accept myself in these days of stillness, if I accept the pain, because the Lord is using it to purify me- does this not make me richer than if I had earned a lot of money? Has not something happened to me that is more durable and fruitful than all those things that can be counted and calculated?  I hope I can remind myself of this when I'm fretting because I'm home by myself for a few hours on a Saturday morning because my husband is proctoring a test, or when I wake up at 2:45 am with back pain.  It is a moment, an opportunity I have been given, and He is there, waiting. 

I won't say this is true in every case, but often I have noticed that when a person is chronically ill, or feeling lonely and isolated, small gains, good days, little gestures of genuine friendship, become a beacon of light, and a moment to celebrate.  These memories also remain, and they have the ability to sustain us in the hard days when we are not feeling consolation.  They remind us of the truth that we are loved, that we are not really alone, and that there is good.   

 

Benedict ends with a great challenge, and a reminder:
"Perhaps we should try an experiment.  Let us understand the individual events of the day as little signs God sends us.  Let us not take note only of the annoying and unpleasant things; we should endeavor to see how often God lets us feel something of his love.  To keep a kind of inner diary of good things would be a beautiful and healing task. 
The Lord is here.  This Christian certainty is meant to help us look at the world with new eyes and to understand the "visitation" as a visit, as one way in which he can come to us and be close to us."

**If you are interested in reading the book yourself, here is a link: http://www.amazon.com/Blessing-Christmas-Joseph-Cardinal-Ratzinger-ebook/dp/B003UNLARG


Advent: A Sensory Heaven

I love this time of year... there is such an air of anticipation, light, music, decoration; it is just a feast for the senses!  This makes it a particularly good and easy time to share the story, and point out some ways to use things many of us are already using and doing to share the experience with those who have special needs...

 

The Wreath:

  There is SO much teaching you can do with your Advent wreath! Starting with the colors of the candles, purple for Jesus's kingship, and repentance for our sins, and rose for joy. Some like to focus on a theme for each week: though none are required, typically you will see themes of Hope, Peace, Joy and Love. With the shape and if it is made of evergreens- you've got a nice little reminder of the eternal life we hope for.

 

 Creche:

  There is not a much more visual (and tactile) way to keep our hearts in the reason for this season, tell the story of the Incarnation, and also teach about the preparation and anticipation that by using a beautiful creche.  There are a couple of ways you can do this, I have seen people put pieces out one by one, over the course of the month, or have it all out, but wait until Christmas to place baby Jesus in the manger with a prayer.  Some have their Wise Men travel around the room, arriving at the creche on the Epiphany- which is also a good way to emphasize not only our own journey to Jesus, but also that Christmas is a season, and not just a single day :-)  If you are able, it is worth investing in a creche that can be safely manipulated, but does not look like a toy.  You will be amazed at the story telling and arranging you see. 

 

 

Advent Calendar:

There are many different kinds of Advent calendar, which is wonderful because you can find one that best suits your needs.  There are some calendars like this that are more visually based: each compartment contains a magnetic figure to add to the scene in the middle, which allows you to introduce and talk about each person, animal or object one at a time.  Then, throughout the month we slowly see the picture emerge, which again, is an opportunity to talk about preparing and

anticipation. 

A calendar like this one could almost act as a simplified Jesse Tree, but requires a little more reading and focus than the one above.  For each day there is a small booklet, which can then be hung on a tree as an ornament.  In each booklet is a bible story, a song, or a prayer which can be read, sung or prayed together.  The stories are simply, but well written, and so are very easy to follow and read aloud.  I will say this, having used this calender in a classroom setting: this one can be difficult to use in a large group, if they are one that needs or will push to see the pictures right away, only because the booklets are very small.  I can also attest to the fact that it is durable! :-)   

 

 

Of course you do not have to buy an Advent Calendar... a perennial favorite is the Advent Chain- this was made clear by the absolute joy my religious ed class had this past weekend creating a chain to help decorate the children's activity area for our festival! One really nice thing about this is how personal it is, plus you can also make action oriented, and colored according to the weeks of Advent, Christmas colors, or many colors if you choose! One neat tradition I have seen with this chain is to include some some small action for each day, it could be service oriented, spiritually/prayer oriented, and also include a few things for enjoyment (like make hot chocolate and read a book with someone or take a walk to look at Christmas lights.)

 

Music:

Music has power to evoke emotion and tell a story, with or without words.  That said, does it sometimes seem like "O Come O Come Emmanuel" (beautiful and rich as it truly is) is about the only Advent song in existence?  This is one album that brought some beautiful, different and surprising songs to my attention.  I highly recommend supporting the Sisters and purchasing the CD, but if you just need one song, or want to listen first, pretty much the whole album is on YouTube.  These songs convey a quiet beauty, stillness and longing that complements any Advent prayer time or lesson.   

 

Also, especially considering some of the feast days we celebrate in December, you can never go wrong with a Marian hymn or song- have you heard this one?

You can even find some surprises on what seems to be a secular Christmas album! (Gotta put a plug in for this one too- but won't spoil it, check it out on YouTube, and I am guessing if you don't know Pink Martini it might take a little getting used to, but will quickly become part of your Christmas-time repertoire)

OK, OK, no more song videos... on to the final part I'll mention today: a Jesse Tree.
The Jesse Tree is named as you probably guessed, for King David's father.  It is basically a way to trace salvation history (and the lineage of Jesus) visually and scripturally, and beginning on December 17th, with the O Antiphons, the anticipation intensifies, and we examine some attributes of Jesus (i.e wisdom of God, key of David...).  Again, this is a wonderfully visual way to explore salvation history- it is scripturally rooted, but naturally breaks the story into "bite sized pieces".  Each day a (usually pretty short) Scripture passage is read, and the ornament with the corresponding symbol is hung on a bare tree (branch).  You can take as much or as little time as you have to explore the symbols, but it is pretty much guaranteed the ones you do this with will remember the story :-)  There are many ways to make these ornaments, this is the pattern I followed:  http://healthy-family.org/free-jesse-tree-advent-patterns/ but if you are feeling crafty, this will at least tell you the symbols to include, and scripture passages :-)
 

Next week we'll talk about some good books to share during this time! 

It's Been Awhile! Review of "Produce: Where Hope Grows"

 

In honor of Down Syndrome Awareness Month, I thought it would be a good time to bring attention again, to a certain upcoming movie.  "Produce" is actually not scheduled to come out until next year, but screenings were scheduled at the Down Syndrome Convention (with the star present, no less!) and I was able to see it there.  It is one of those movies that could very easily get 'passed by' in the theater line-up, but it brings a powerful message, and is one that shouldn't be missed if you have the opportunity.  Now, since it isn't out yet, I don't want to be a spoiler, BUT it is important to know a little about the story.

 

Produce follows the very unlikely friendship of Calvin and Produce.  Calvin is a former professional baseball player in a small Kentucky town.  His career ended when he suffered a panic attack at the plate, and since then has basically been 'skating by' in life, and in his relationship with his daughter, using alcohol to self-medicate.  That begins to change on the day he met a young man named Produce, working in the produce department at the local grocery store.  Produce has Down Syndrome.  With his upbeat attitude, persistent presence, conversation,questions and invitations, Calvin slowly begins to respond, and the two form a friendship. 

 

This friendship slowly begins to affect other parts of both Calvin and Produce's lives. The openness that Produce shares with Calvin trickles into Calvin's relationship with his daughter.  Calvin in turn with his stronger personality, supports Produce in his goals, and things he wants to learn, and in demanding respect from others.  Produce in his transparency, challenges Calvin in his fears, faith and the choices he makes, and ultimately Calvin and his daughter offer a friendship that really becomes more like a family.

 

I will be completely honest.  This movie will not blow you away by it's cinematography or writing.  It is a homegrown, grassroots labor of love.  What will without a doubt leave an impression is the obvious care with which it is done, and the heart of this story: the characters you come to know, the friendship that grows and sows life and hope in the lives of many others. It is also a strong affirmation of the dignity of each person, regardless of their ability- to see each person as a person, with their own story, strengths and weaknesses.   

 

So, in conclusion, keep your eyes open for this movie to come out in 2015, and see it if you are able!  You can follow their news at their website: www.iamproduce.com and on their Facebook page: "Produce: Where Hope Grows"  

 

          

The Function of Dysfunctional Behavior

 

 

Screaming, (excessive) crying, physical or verbal aggression, not following directions, running or climbing inside, interrupting, and yes, inappropriate language and undressing.  Have you thought of someone you know yet?  These behaviors can be disruptive, add tension and 'electricity' to any environment, and frankly, could probably test the patience of a saint.

 

I remember a horrible tantrum I was faced with in my second year of teaching- screaming, crying, kicking, the whole nine yards.  I was getting emotionally charged myself, and extremely frustrated.  Finally, almost in desperation, I asked him "what's going on... is there something you need?" Shuddering breath and tears, then "I'm hungry". After catching my breath, and marveling for a moment at what had just happened, I took him by the hand to help him up, and got him a snack. Afterward, all I could do was remind him to tell me when he was feeling hungry.   

 

I wanted to share a few helpful things I've learned along the way for approaching behaviors like these.  A helpful place to start is to distinguish the type of behavior you are observing: a "behavioral excess" like aggression, screaming or crying, a "behavioral deficit" (lack of skills) like communication, or academics, or directions or "inappropriate impulse control" like running inside, climbing on furniture or interrupting (cf. Stacy Taylor, MA, BCBS).   

 

Behavior has a purpose.  Behavior produces consequences.  There is a reason the person is engaging in the behavior, and they have continued to do it because IT WORKS.  It is communicating something that the person perhaps doesn't have the language or social skills to express appropriately. So the most important question to ask is "why".  Are they seeking attention, avoidance, access to some reinforcer, or to some sensory or physical need? 

 

SO, the first action is to make sure that any physical needs (sleep, food, water, bathroom, temperature), are met.  Also, consider any potential medical issues, like pain, sensory issues (including hearing and vision), stomach issues, or even PMS.

 

 

The consequences of the behavior either reinforce and strengthen it, or will weaken the behavior, so our reactions are very important in reinforcing the behavior we want to see, and building and keeping a good relationship based in trust. 

 

1st: Be specific as to what the behavior expectations are- and model it! 
Some people do need more modeling and help to know and do what is appropriate.
 

2nd: Be consistent.
Calm language and consequences that are consistent with your expectations takes time and practice, but they are crucial for building trust, avoiding power struggles and to de-escalate.
 

3rd: Focus on reinforcing positive behaviors, and positive consequences.    

 

Put Behavior In Context

Particularly if there is a recurring behavior, take a record of four things:

• what the setting was (where, what time of day, who... etc.),
• what occurred immediately before the behavior,
•  an objective description of what the behaviors are, and
• what happened immediately after the behavior

 Knowing the setting and what happened before can help you make changes to prevent behaviors.  An objective description of the behavior helps to target specific behaviors/skills to teach, as well as appropriate behavior to reinforce.  The final step is to develop a plan of consequences for when a problem behavior occurs, and when the desired behavior occurs.  This step can take some trial and error, and input from the person and their parents, or previous teachers/care-takers on strategies and motivators can be invaluable.   


Finally, it is worth taking a few seconds to calm yourself before responding to a problem behavior or conflict.  If you jump into an emotionally charged situation without being calm, most likely what will happen is that "gasoline will be added to a fire" and not only will you not respond the way you want to, but it will escalate the situation.  So, again, it is worth taking a few seconds to breathe deeply (even if it is just as you are walking over to the situation), say a quick prayer- and even self-talk if you need to "I am ok, I am safe, I can do this" but especially breathe.  The moment to calm keeps blood and oxygen to your brain instead of your muscles (for flight or fight), so you can stay in an executive state of mind, and ready to respond and problem solve.  
Hope this helps!

Making Prayer a Sensory Experience...

"For me, prayer is a surge of the heart; it is a simple look turned toward heaven, it is a cry of recognition and of love, embracing both trial and joy" St. Therese of Lisieux

The most beautiful thing about prayer is that it can be so incarnational- using our bodies, our senses, and of course concrete sacramentals to aid us in our response to God, who lovingly reaches out to us.  This is especially important in working with people with special needs, including ADD-ADHD and ASD, for whom repetition, movement, visuals and tactile experiences are such an important part of how they learn best.  So here are some things that can help especially bring out this sensory, incarnational aspect of prayer...

To get started, it's always easiest to begin with things that are usually present anyway.

Dim lights and Candle Light: we all know how mesmerizing candle light is.  This is a very easy way to encourage an atmosphere of the sacred and to direct attention and focus.  It is also HIGHLY symbolic of the presence, light and knowledge of Jesus.  Artificial candles do not give the same effect, and so, with safety precautions taken, real candles are best. 

Beads: There is something deliberately meditative and soothing about the movement of running your fingers over beads.  Beads have been used in prayer for centuries, and in many different religious traditions.  The Rosary and Divine Mercy Chaplet can be said using the same beads- and by the way, usually include other visual reminders which can be mini lessons- namely a crucifix and a medal.  The Divine Mercy Chaplet also has the beautiful image of Jesus to meditate on as one prays.  There are lots of methods for making a full rosary, or decade string, which is not only a good way to talk about how to pray the rosary or chaplet, but also personalizes it, and can then be blessed.  Here are a couple!  

How To Make Knotted Cord Rosaries
How to Make Sacrifice Beads/Rosary Decade

The Stations of the Cross: This can be found in every Church.  Not only is there a visual for each station, but movement from station to station, to 'travel' along the journey with Jesus.  Outdoor/walking Stations are also powerful in that space allows for larger, sometimes more tactile images to reflect on.  

Music: having chant, taize, or other meditative music playing softly, or available on headphones is soothing, encourages the atmosphere of the sacred, and personal meditation and prayer.



Sacred Art: We are blessed with a rich tradition of icons, statues and paintings.  Paintings are wonderful ways to communicate a story without words.  Icons are rich in symbolism and doctrine, as they are meant to be a "window to heaven" truly making present the person or event depicted.

 

Statues, especially figures that might later be gently handled, are also wonderful sensory additions to prayer, as they remind us of the presence and intercession of those who have gone before, the communion of the faithful, which also includes those in Purgatory and in Heaven.  One example is these small statues from Joseph's Studio (and carried by many Catholic book/gift shops) are beautiful, and made of resin, so they can safely be handled.  (On a side note, they also distribute the Fontanini nativity pieces, which are made of the same material.)   

http://www.roman.com/products.php?line=josephs-gifts-renaissance-general

 

Art Supplies! Some really do think, focus and express themselves better in pictures- their mind works in images, and having art supplies like paint, markers, available really is the best way to evoke a personal prayer.

 

Incense: this might be something for people to get used to, but there is wonderful tradition here,  recognizing something that is holy, of our own prayers and small acts ascending to God, as well as a pleasing smell.  This also tends toward an atmosphere of the sacred.  

 

Prayer Sensory Bins:

might include sand, water or oil, and/or or other applicable objects smooth rocks, shells, objects which invite touching, along with a scripture passage or picture to look at to lend toward making connections, relaxation, and meditation.  

 

Hopefully this gave you some ideas, and got the juices flowing... what other sensory experiences have been helpful in your prayer? 



Suicide Prevention Week

September 10th is World Suicide Prevention Day, which (at least in the US) is encompassed by National Suicide Prevention Week.  It seemed appropriate to take a look at some of the causes and contributing factors in suicide.

In North America one of the leading causes of suicide is mental illness, in particular depression.  The greatest thing we can do to help in this area is raise awareness of mental illness.  This can be done with short articles inserted into the bulletin and on the parish website, by prayer intentions, and in homilies (I'll link to some resources for all of these at the end).  The fact is, mental illness is widely prevalent- just think of anxiety and depression in their different levels and forms alone.  It is so prevalent, and yet there is still a stigma (bias, distrust, stereotyping, fear, embarrassment, anger, and/or avoidance) attached to mental illness which keeps people from talking about what is going on, and from seeking help.  Education can help immeasurably with this, but another thing to keep in mind is the way we speak- our jokes and comments- and the less overt things which can 'stigmatize' and isolate people, such as lower expectations, avoidance, and fear. 

Alcohol and substance abuse are also contributing factors- especially when paired with another mental illness.

Other contributing factors are changes, loss and beginnings.  Changes can include moving, a new school or work, major life events (marriage, purchasing a home, pregnancy), and even seasonal changes.  Loss can be a large contributing factor- loss of a loved one, loss of a job/long unemployment, and recent disability. Beginnings can be a factor as well- the beginning of the school year, beginning of the week etc, as they bring added stress and expectations.
Being aware of these kinds of things can do a lot to help a person who is struggling.  Giving them time and opportunities to talk it out, and probably most importantly not attaching a particular time line to when that person should be 'readjusted' particularly when it comes to grief.

The final factor I'll mention today is isolation.  Whether it is because of stigma (real or perceived) or because of difficult behaviors, symptoms or fear, it is very easy for people who have a mental illness to be either completely silent about what is happening, to avoid reaching out to others, and/or to be avoided.  Feeling alone only compounds feelings of helplessness.  This is where peer relationships can be so healing.  Peers are people who have a mental illness themselves (or have a family member who does), people of a similar age and background, or really anyone with whom the person has formed a supportive relationship.  Parishes are a natural place where people can connect this way, by invitation to regular parish activities, or even by sponsoring a specific opportunity for people who have a mental illness to meet and get together.           

One last thing to remember: behaviors are a language all their own, speaking of what is happening internally even if it cannot be verbalized.  If you notice changes- erratic behavior, wide mood swings, or someone becoming atypically moody and withdrawn, sleeping more, neglecting responsibilities, losing interest in friends and activities they once loved or beginning to neglect their appearance, health, and hygiene- these are things to be concerned about and to ask about.

And of course, in a crisis, the Suicide Prevention Lifeline is also available 24/7: 1.800.273.TALK (8255) or 911.   

Sample Short Bulletin Articles
Sample Prayer Intentions
Homily Preparation Tips